Welcome to my stupid bucket list. Alternate titles include "NOOOOO THEY BE STEALIN MY BUCKET (LIST)", "100 stupid things to do before I die" etc. You get the point.
What is a bucket list? Aside from a terribly bad movie with Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, its a list of shit to do before dying. I never heard of these fucking things until that stupid movie came out. How the hell do you fuck a movie up with MORGAN FREEMAN AND JACK NICHOLSON? It should have been the best movie ever. It should have exploded DVD players when it was loaded. It should have killed entire theaters full of idiots when they went to see it.
I'm getting slightly off topic here.
This blog will be two things. My bucket list, and blog posts about items on my bucket list, both when I complete them, and when I just feel like talking about them. I'm sure I'll add things to it as I go.
Some of these goals might seem unreachable, but holy god damn I will try!
THE LIST
numbered for your pleasure
- Direct a film better than "The Bucket List" (An easy one for #1. I could film a squirrel shitting and it would come out better)
- Fight a bear AND WIN
- Make love to the soundtrack of "Space Jam" (and refer to it as "slam jamming" the whole time)
- Skydive
- Skydive without a parachute AND WIN
- Go on the price is right (6a. and break the giant wheel 6b. and hail satan when Drew asks who I'd like to say hi to)
- Write a solo album
- Drive to California and Back (alternate goal - Drive to California and stay there)
- Punch someone until my hand breaks
- Visit every location on Man VS Food (10a. AND WIN)
- Fight a bear AND LOSE
- Make my own video game (12a. thats completely about docking)
- Learn how to tattoo and tattoo myself (even if it sucks and looks like it was drawn by A 10 year old with no hands)
- Go to Vegas AND WIN (OR LOSE)
- Play in the World Series Of Poker main event (It's only $10,000 to enter, so this goal could also be named "SPEND $10,000")
- Start my own business
- Stay out of prison (HARDER THAN IT MAY SEEM)
- Throw a party where everyone MUST take viagra before coming in
- Play a show where everyone in the band takes viagra and wears gym shorts
- Take a lot of psychedelics and BURST THROUGH THE UNIVERSE (20a. do everything on this list on a lot of psychedelics)
- Run into somebody from 6th grade or earlier and fight them and leave them wondering what the hell they did to create such a grudge (No one in particular, it would just be funny)
- Get into a bar fight (I am surprised this hasn't happened yet) AND WIN (22a. AND LOSE)
- Fly a craft. Of any kind. Even if its a unicycle with an umbrella attached to it off of a cliff.
- Go on tour for more than 1 week
- Visit another country that isn't Canada (25a. Visit Canada)
- Play hockey
- Learn boxing
- Pierce something inappropriate
- Stop using the internet completely for at least 1 week
- Go on an extended vacation with no destination
- Get drunk and rowdy in an inappropriate place (Church, A Funeral, A Broadway Play)
- Live in a cabin and live off the land (99% SURE THIS WILL END IN DEATH)
- Stage Dive (99% SURE THIS WILL END IN DEATHS)
- Learn to skateboard without falling down
- Host a television show (alt goal: host an internet show that DOES NOT SUCK)
- Order a pizza shaped like a pentagram
- Have a child (alt goal: abort a child)
- Open my own venue (kind of falls under start my own business, but fuck you)
- Anal (NOT RECEIVING! I MEAN IT) (Also, sorry family members)
- Lose a substantial amount of weight
- Be featured on the news (THIS COULD BE GOOD OR BAD)
- GO TO SPACE (CAPSLOCK FOR ENTHUSIASM)
- Drive a boat (43a. sing IM ON A BOAT the ENTIRE fucking time)
- Fight a CEO of any large company (AND WIN)
- Go to a Jets or Giants game
- Buy a Gibson Explorer
- Quit Smoking
- Invent something
- Save a life
- END A LIFE
- Come into a large sum of money and do nothing responsible with it
- Start a sketch comedy team
- Do stand up comedy even if its only once
- Play a show alone / as a solo act
- Build something as big or larger than a house (note: it can be a shitty house)
- Learn how to play the drums
- Go scuba diving
This list will be a work in progress. I was aiming for 100 but I'm honestly out of shit to think of doing. The remaining 43 will come soon!
Stay tuned!
